Tango Etiquette: It’s All About Mindfulness
Perhaps one of the things that makes tango so unique is its etiquette.
Yes, the dance sends dancers on the dancefloor with cat-like gracefulness, fluidity, and palpable passion and sensuality. When you find yourself in a milonga, however, you’ll immediately notice the ever-present tango etiquette guiding everyone in the room.
What makes tango etiquette even more interesting is that it’s not something that’s written down anywhere.
It’s an unwritten and unspoken code passed down from dancer to dancer, beginning even before the dancer steps into the milonga.
Learning about tango etiquette can overwhelm a beginner. The long lists of do’s and don’ts can make you wonder, how is it possible to remember everything? But when you immerse yourself into the world of tango, you’ll soon realize that while etiquette is essential, you don’t have to overthink every rule.
Tango etiquette is not a checklist you have to go through in your head before every move. It’s simply all about mindfulness.
What Is Mindfulness?
You’ve probably heard about mindfulness a thousand times but haven’t really given it much thought. People say it’s all about being present in the moment, but what does that really mean? In a nutshell,
mindfulness is about being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment.
When you’re mindful, you’re not caught up in your head worrying about the past or the future. You’re simply aware of the present moment and everything that’s happening around you.
Being mindful doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking altogether. It means that you’re not letting your thoughts control you.
You’re aware of them but don’t get caught up in them. According to Mindful,
“Mindfulness. It’s a pretty straightforward word. It suggests that the mind is fully attending to what’s happening, to what you’re doing, to the space you’re moving through. That might seem trivial, except for the annoying fact that we so often veer from the matter at hand. Our mind takes flight, we lose touch with our body, and pretty soon we’re engrossed in obsessive thoughts about something that just happened or fretting about the future. And that makes us anxious.”
As easy as it may sound, being mindful is actually quite tricky. It’s something you have to practice every day because your mind is so used to wandering off. But the good news is the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Practicing Mindfulness
Mindful says mindfulness is innate, and you can cultivate it through proven techniques. You can practice mindfulness while seated, walking, or standing. You can even find it while you’re moving. Mindfulness is also found in the short pauses you insert into everyday life. It’s often the foundation of yoga and sports.
Mindfulness reduces stress and enhances performance. You gain insight and awareness, and you can control your emotions better.
It’s not something you add on top of your daily activities, but it weaves its way into everything you do.
To be mindful doesn’t mean you have to change. It’s about being aware of yourself and everything within and around you.
Mindfulness Beyond Yourself
When you fully understand that mindfulness is not all in your head, you feel that it begins and ends in the body.
You notice how you move your head, neck, and arms. You also feel your connection with the floor and the space around you. What makes mindfulness even more powerful is that it also increases your attention to others’ well-being.
As said by Center for Change,
“Why be mindful? Mindfulness practices can help us to increase our ability to regulate emotions, decrease stress, anxiety and depression. It can also help us to focus our attention, as well as to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. As we become more present in our lives and in relation to others, it can help us to make better decisions, to manage our emotions and to be more fully engaged in life.”
Mindfulness extends to the people around you. It’s being aware of another person’s body language and receiving hints about how they’re feeling. Mindfulness lets you know how to act or react to certain situations.
For example, when you see a woman quietly reading a book in a café, you know not to approach her and start a conversation. If you encounter a couple arguing, give them space and try not to stare or join in.
Being mindful means being aware of your body language and its impact on others.
Now, how is mindfulness related to tango, specifically to its etiquette? Let’s jump into that.
Tango Etiquette: Unwritten Codes
As mentioned,
tango etiquette involves unwritten codes that all dancers follow, especially in a milonga.
These codes aim to maintain a respectful and safe environment for all. Where do they start?
Tango etiquette starts with a dancer’s personal hygiene. It’s when you make sure you’re clean and presentable before going out to dance. It includes showering, using deodorant, and wearing clean clothes. It’s also the tiny details like avoiding using too much perfume or cologne.
Then,
the tango codes or códigos in a milonga are the set of guidelines that ensure everyone is comfortable and safe while dancing.
They help maintain the energy and flow in the room so that dancers can enjoy themselves. Some of these codes are:
Cabeceo
The cabeceo is the eye contact and nod of the head that indicates you’d like to dance with someone.
It starts across the room when the man initiates eye contact with the woman he wants to dance with. If the woman nods, the man walks over to her, takes her hand, and leads her to the dance floor.
If the woman looks away, it means she’s not interested.
The bottom line is the cabeceo is a non-verbal way of asking someone to dance. It’s considered more polite than asking someone verbally.
It lessens awkward rejections and helps you respect other people’s personal space.
The cabeceo is the unwritten rule that says walking over to a person to ask them to dance is a big no in tango.
Ronda and Navigation
Another critical aspect of tango etiquette is the navigation or leading and following on the dancefloor.
Leaders cannot just go wherever they want when entering or exiting the dancefloor. They have to consider the other couples around them. Before entering or leaving, the leader initiates eye contact with the other leader on the dancefloor, signaling their intention. It’s a way of saying, “I’m going to enter or exit now; please let me through.”
The same goes for when the leader is changing direction. They have to look over their shoulder to see if there are any couples behind them. If there are, they must ensure they won’t collide with them. Therefore,
the directions on the dancefloor must follow the ronda.
The ronda is the counterclockwise flow of dancers around the room. It’s like a one-way street.
By following the ronda, dancers avoid running into each other and collisions. Tango is a close embrace dance, which means dancers are already close to each other. Awareness is important because, as Siempre Milonguero said:
“Navigating in a cooperative way helps everyone feel safe and able to focus on their partners and the dance. Bad navigation causes other dancers to spend their time protecting their partners from potential harm.”
Dance a Full Tanda With One Person
When you’re in a milonga, dancing a full tanda with one partner is considered polite.
Tango is a social dance, after all, and the point is to interact with different people. You can always refuse a dance, but once you say (or nod) yes, it’s best to see it through.
Of course, there are always exceptions to this rule. You can always stop dancing in the middle of a tanda if you’re not comfortable with your partner or if you’re not enjoying the dance. The important thing is to be respectful and considerate of your partner.
Talking
In tango, dancers must do more dancing and less talking.
Tango is a non-verbal dance, and it’s important to maintain that connection with your partner.
That said, there will be times when you need to talk to your partner, such as when you’re leading them off the dancefloor.
You can ask your partner how they’re doing, but keep the conversation to a minimum.
The goal is to focus on the dance and the music, not to chat.
That also means it’s never okay to correct your partner while dancing. Milonga is for dancing, so if you want to practice, it’s best to go to a practica instead.
More Tango Do’s and Don’ts
It may seem like tango etiquette never runs out of do’s and don’ts, especially if you’re a beginner. The rules go in and out of the dancefloor, and it’s normal to feel scared that you might break one. To avoid that, here are a few more things to keep in mind from Argentine Tango Lab:
“FOR BOTH LEADERS & FOLLOWERS…
Walk around the dance floor, not through it.
The answer to being thanked after a dance is a return “Thank you,” not “You’re welcome.”
Compliments go a long way to enjoying a milonga.
In between songs, talking is fine (in fact some would say small talk is almost obligatory) but do not keep the embrace locked.
If you did not particularly enjoy the dance, keep it to yourself.
If the tanda becomes intolerable, tough it out. It is the extreme height of rudeness to leave a tanda before it completes.
When you finish dancing, leave the floor as quickly as possible, ensuring those on it are given their space.”
There are unspoken and unwritten rules specific to leaders and followers, too. Leaders are responsible for leading the dance and must be aware of their partners’ comfort levels. On the other hand, followers should be aware of the leader’s movements and cooperate.
Tango is a partner dance, meaning both dancers must work together. The key to a good tango dance is communication, be it non-verbal or verbal.
All these communications must be based on respect and awareness.
Tango Etiquette and Mindfulness
Tango etiquette runs much deeper than just having good manners. If you look at it closely, all the rules are based on common sense and mindfulness.
When you’re mindful of what you’re doing, you’re aware of your surroundings and the people in them. You get to extend this mindfulness to your partner when you’re dancing. Tango is a dialogue between two people, and that communication starts with being present.
It’s important to be aware of your own body and movements.
Tango is a physical dance, and you must know your own limits. That way, you can avoid injury and discomfort.
The same goes for your partner. Tango is a close dance, and you will be touching your partner. It’s important to be aware of their comfort levels and personal space.
Tango etiquette gives the other couples around you their need for space. You allow them to enjoy their dance as much as they allow you to enjoy yours. The dance floor welcomes everyone; the only thing it asks for is mindfulness.
Tango connects you with yourself, your partner, the music, and the other dancers. That means tango etiquette is there as a form of mindfulness.
Look at it not as a long checklist of things to do and not to do but as a way to be more present in the moment. From there, you’ll see tango as what it really is.
Tango, the Dance That Pulls You Into the Present
Tango is not just a dance; it’s a way of moving through the world. Tango etiquette is just one way of showing mindfulness.
If you see a woman still enjoying the dance floor, don’t do the cabeceo. It’s the same as not disturbing a woman quietly reading a book in a café.
When you understand the importance of mindfulness, you understand tango etiquette’s role in tango culture. The two are the same thing!
Tango etiquette is not a set of superficial rules. It’s a way of moving through the world with intention and purpose.
You respect yourself and others, making tango a dance that pulls you into the present.