Curiouser and Curiouser: Why Do Leading Ladies Want To Lead Men?
Tango is one of the most mesmerizing pair dances worldwide.
Once a tango couple steps on the dance floor, looking sexy and mysterious, the people around immediately go quiet.
And when the music plays and the gentleman opens his arms to welcome the lady, we are transported to another world.
But what if it was the other way around? What if it was the lady who leads?
Tango is an art form that’s all about leading and following.
Many believe that leading is only for gentlemen while following is for ladies. This belief has been the norm generation after generation, and couples who don’t follow the traditional pattern were seen as bizarre.
If you explore tango deeply, however, there are leading ladies walking among the crowds.
What are leading ladies, and why do they want to lead men in tango? Do they retain the same special connection that traditional tango couples have? Let’s discover together!
Leading and Following in Tango
For many years, following in tango was viewed as a sign of femininity.
Women were expected to be demure, following their partner’s lead and not stepping out of line.
As for men, leading was seen as a sign of strength and power—the traditional alpha male.
But is there a rule that clearly says that following is for women and leading is for men? No, there isn’t.
If we look at the words “leading” and “following,” we’ll realize that they’re actually not gender-specific roles. However, generally,
the role of leading is usually given to men because they’re usually taller and physically stronger.
On the other hand,
women are more graceful and elegant, so they usually follow.
Each role has responsibilities that both partners have to fulfill.
Leaders must lead, protect their followers, and make them shine. Followers, then, must rely on their leaders and fulfill their “choreographies.”
But regardless of the role and gender, what’s really crucial is how the two master their floor craft.
Tango Therapist defined floor craft as the ability to dance in a social setting, harmonizing with the following:
The dancers around, to maintain safety for everyone
The “traffic” of dance
The music
The room’s space and general ambiance
One’s partner and their level of experience
The conditions of the floor surface
The conditions of safety or danger caused by rogue dancers or unknowing beginners
The general respect for remaining silent
One’s partner’s soul
Both leaders and followers must have a high level of floor craft, and neither of the roles is more difficult than the other.
So, it doesn’t matter what your gender and role are; as long as you master your floor craft and give your partner a sense of trust, connection, and love, you are already dancing the tango.
Should Leaders Really Be Men?
Suppose leading and following aren’t gender-specific, and what matters most is your floor craft. Why is the existence of leading ladies controversial?
Leading ladies turn traditional tango couples upside down, and some may feel threatened by this.
But if we get to know them in and out of the dance floor, we’ll realize that leading can really be their role.
Relationship therapist and educator Deidré Wallace said in “A Dating Tip: Did You Know That When Dating, Women Lead And Men Follow?”
“During the wooing process: the dating, the first kiss, having sex, getting married and so on, is normally determined by the woman. She decides whether she wants to go out with him, kiss him, have sex with him, marry him and so on. She leads.
Women often forget this.”
This reality may not be completely the same in tango, but we can consistently see it in many aspects.
Leaders in tango are responsible for making decisions and leading their followers in the chosen directions.
If women are excellent in those responsibilities in real life, they can also be exceptional leaders in tango!
In the history of tango, men also had to learn to dance as leaders and followers. And even now, many encourage tango dancers to do the same. In “Leader. Follower. Man. Woman. Does it matter?” by Tanguito, they said:
“It makes one’s dance richer as it helps with the understanding of the challenges and satisfactions of the other role.
As a leader, I was surprised when following that some simple movements felt so good. Likewise, some movements that felt great as a leader … well not so much as a follower. So it helps to fine tune your dance and know what feels right.”
Basically, it’s not just men who can lead and women who can follow.
We must understand that a successful tango couple results from the collaboration between two people.
Some men aren’t capable of being decision-makers, and many women are very capable of leading. In fact, women lead men in many aspects of life, so why not in tango, too?
So Should Women Be the Leaders?
Leading ladies in tango are those who dance as leaders with male or female followers.
In Juliet McMains’s “Rebellious Wallflowers and Queer Tangueras: The Rise of Female Leaders in Buenos Aires’ Tango Scene,” they said:
“At milongas throughout the world and in Buenos Aires – the center of tango culture and commerce – it is now commonplace to see women dancing tango with other women. Granted, the majority of couples at most milongas are still male-female, but it has become acceptable and even routine to see women dancing together at prácticas (informal tango dances) and milongas in Buenos Aires. Several overlapping factors compel women to eschew traditional gender coupling in favor of same-sex dancing, including: feminist ideologies, desire for creative control, professional goals, and same-sex social or sexual interests.”
The birth of leading ladies in tango isn’t only about breaking the traditional gender roles in tango but also about following their own passions and interests.
In the first place, tango doesn’t specifically require dancers to follow gender roles, so leading ladies were always among us. And let’s look deeper into the meaning of leadership.
Whether in tango or not, we’ll realize that women are really more than capable of leading.
In “Why Women Are Better Leaders” by Meng Li, they said:
“Compared to male leaders, female leaders are more likely to attend to followers’ personal needs, be open to new ideas and others’ opinions, and reward the satisfactory performance of followers in a consistent manner.
On the other hand, male leaders are statistically more likely to only stress meeting the standards, wait until problems become severe before attending to them, and/or withdraw or be absent during critical junctures.”
When applied to tango,
this means that leading ladies understand their followers better and are more likely to provide creative instructions that enable their partners to grow and improve.
Ladies know what it’s like to be followers, so they also know how to tend to their needs. After all, a follower doesn’t only need direction and protection. They also need an opportunity to make the dance their own.
Why Leading Ladies Want To Lead Men
Now, let’s focus on leading ladies and their want (or need!) to lead men. Many leading ladies dance with female followers, but we can also find those who lead male followers at milongas. At first sight, leading ladies and following men couples look strange, but they are more common than we imagine.
Many leading ladies dance with female followers, but we can also find those who lead male followers at milongas.
When leading ladies lead men, is it because they just want to be non-traditional? Because they think they know better? Or because they want to make a statement? The truth is, it could be any of these motivations!
Alpha Females
Tango Therapist defined this profile as:
“Mostly the best tangueras become leaders. But predating their tango days, they probably were alpha females. As alpha females they take initiative — instead of just sitting it out. Often they are teachers.”
Traditional tango says that women must wait until men invite them to dance, but leading ladies don’t wait for anyone. The same goes for men with different personalities from the traditional alpha male role expected in tango. If a man doesn’t have what it takes to lead, then a woman will have no opportunity to dance. So,
for leading ladies, they know they’re capable of leading, and they take the initiative and do it!
Got-To-Dance Persona
Another profile of leading ladies is the Got-to-Dance Persona.
These women want to dance and won’t let anything stand in their way.
Tango Therapist said:
“If I were a woman, I would not be perhaps an alpha female, but I would be dancing either by myself or with anyone around if a man did not ask me to dance.”
In tango, when there’s an opportunity to be on the dancefloor, it’s such a waste to let it go.
So sometimes, when you really want to dance, you just really have to do it. And that’s what these leading ladies are all about!
If no man steps up to lead them, then they’ll take the lead themselves and dance anyway.
Iconoclast Personality
Lastly,
leading ladies can also be iconoclasts, meaning they want to challenge the status quo of traditional roles in tango.
Leading ladies don’t care if most tango dancers think leaders should be men and followers must be women. For them, it’s all about following their own path and doing what they believe is right.
Apart from the abovementioned profiles,
another reason that leading ladies want to lead men is that not all men tango dancers are good leaders.
No matter what the traditional norms dictate, some male dancers just don’t have what it takes to lead. As a result, most women end up dancing with leaders who aren’t on the same level and miss the opportunity to fully enjoy their tango.
Whether leaders, followers, men, or women, tango dancers ultimately want to enjoy the dance. Moreover, there’s the need to grow and improve in the dance. Tango allows the experience of a deep connection between partners, and leading ladies recognize this, which is why they take the lead.
Lastly,
leading and following could be a personal choice for tango dancers.
Anyone has the freedom to choose how they want to enjoy tango, and leading ladies are following their own paths when they choose to lead men. They enjoy dancing the tango as leaders more than following, so they do so! And if men enjoy tango as followers more than as leaders, they’re also free to dance with a leader of the same or opposite gender.
Keep the Curiosity in Tango!
Yes, tango can be mind-boggling. But isn’t that why we love it? We get to explore, experiment, and learn from one another!
Leading ladies wanting to lead men is just one of the many possibilities in tango.
And being curious about why they want to lead only tells us that we can still explore and grow in this passionate dance.
In the end,
tango still becomes a dance that doesn’t look at a dancer’s gender. It’s all about the connection that two people make and the joy they experience while dancing.
In our article “RECLAIMING FEMININITY: THE FEMALE BRAIN AND ART OF TANGO,” we said:
“Many brush off tango as a sexist dance that perpetuates harmful stereotypes. It is easy to view tango as that. However, if we don’t examine the dance and see it for what it is, we won’t know what we are missing.”
Leading ladies aren’t an anomaly — they’re just following their own desires and pushing the boundaries of what’s possible in tango.
They want to lead men because they’re either alpha females or they just really want to dance no matter what. They may also be iconoclast, or there just isn’t a good man leader around. Most importantly, they want to lead men because they just really want to and because they can.
If we keep in mind that leading and following can be a choice, then we can open our minds and hearts to many possibilities.
Keep that curiosity alive! Who knows what other fascinating things we can discover in tango?