Argentine Tango codigos - the social codes you need to be aware of when attending the Milonga
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do (Medieval Latin sī fuerīs Rōmae, Rōmānō vīvitō mōre; sī fuerīs alibī, vīvitō sīcut ibī, often shortened to when in Rome...) is a proverb attributed to Saint Augustine. The phrase means that it is advisable to follow the conventions of the area in which you are residing or visiting.” - Wikipedia wisely advices.
Same in Argentine Tango! In Rome in Boston or wherever you attend the Milonga - it is highly advisable to adapt yourself to the customs of the tangueros and the very specific situation of the Argentine Tango Milonga. You may not know it yet, by knowing (and following) Argentine Tango Codigos is a Really Big Deal.
Mirada and cabaceo are very important elements of Tango invitation to dance.
The word MILONGA means two things:
1. Milonga is an Argentine Tango social or Argentine Tango party. You go there with or without a partner to dance Argentine Tango and socialize with like-minded Tango goers.
2. Milonga is also one of the three Tango genres - we have Tango, Milonga, and Vals. In each one of them, music and cadencia differ greatly.
1. Tanda
During Milonga music is played in tandas. One Tanda consists of 3-5 songs. In most cases you dance the whole tanda with one partner unless something goes wrong - for example, you have no connection at all. If that happens it is polite to continue dancing at least until the end of the song and then simply say 'thank you' and just walk back to your seat. if you can stand it - it is advisable to continue dancing until the end of the tanda.
If you decide to get out (risky, risky…) - you do not need to explain your decision. Simple 'thank you' is perfectly fine. It's definitely worth remembering that 'thank you' now DOES NOT MEAN 'thank you forever'. If you are a Leader and you got the ‘thank you’ - work on your dance skills and ask again in few weeks.
If you are a Follower and your Tango community is not too big - be very very careful with those ‘thank yous’. You don’t want to scare everyone away from you. It is worth dancing with the Beginners and they ‘grow up’ very quickly and will repay you back by dancing with you later.
The other good solution, if you are not sure if you wish to dance with a person, - is to wait until the last song of the tanda and ask then. This way, if you liked it and wish to dance more with that person, you can simply ask for the next tanda.
2. Cortina
Each tanda is separated from the next one by cortina (curtain), which is usually non-danceable music, or non-tango music. It's your choice, but dancing to cortina music it's not highly prized... In fact - it labels you as a Beginner. So even if you hear your favorite salsa number try NOT to dance! Instead - use this time to walk your follower back to her/his seat, exchange pleasantries, and get ready for the next tanda.
3. Order of Tandas
Tango consist of three different type of music: Tango, Milonga and Vals - each type of music is played creating separate tandas. Most often tandas are played in this order: T, T, M, T, T, V. Meaning: Tanda of Tangos, Tanda of Tangos, Tanda of Milongas, Tanda of Tangos, Tanda of Tangos, Tanda of Valses.
In some Milongas - if the community is well versed in Milonga or Vals, one tanda of Tango can be followed by a tanda of Vals or Milonga. But in most cases, most people learn the Tango first so the majority of the attendees will know how to dance the Tango, but might NOT know how to dance the Milonga or Vals.
Remain sited until the Leader is right in front of you to make sure that it is YOU being asked to dance. Try to keep eyer contact.
4. When to ask for the dance?
Crucially important for beginning dancers! DO NOT ask for a dance UNTIL THE MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY! This way if it's a song you don't like or type of Tango you don't know how to dance (like Milonga or Vals) - you can simply relax and watch other dancers instead of sweating on the floor trying to pretend that you know what you don't know.
Use cabaceo to ask for a dance. It's simply polite to give a person a chance to refuse. Remember - Tango is a proposal, not a demonstration of power. Respect it.
One of the good reasons to watch before 'jumping into dancing' yourself is to recognize the dynamic between dancers. It's like joining new club. Before making any statements yourself you want to learn what's going on. Who is who, who dances how, who dances with whom and for how long. You wanna take few tandas and recognize the patterns.
If you see 2 people dancing tanda after tanda after tanda with each other - good chances are that they are together and are planning on dancing the whole night. In which case your attention shall go elsewhere. It's an important thing to know for ladies: if you are seeing dancing more than 2 tandas in the row with the same leader - chances of being asked to dance by other leader diminish greatly.
Other rules follow simple common sense: If the lady you wish to dance with is sitting with her partner - it is polite to ask him for permission to take a lady for a dance, even though you have her permission through cabazeo. After the tanda make sure you walk her back to her seat. After such a wonderful dance you just gifted her with she might be all confused and disoriented.
5. Life Music
If there is an orchestra playing live music - DO NOT DANCE the first song. Focus on ADMIRING and APPRECIATING the orchestra. DO NOT be the first person to jump on the floor. In fact, wait until the orchestra leader himself starts encouraging people to start dancing. Simple respect.
6. What is cabaceo?
Cabaceo is asking for a dance by looking (MIRADA) at the person from wherever you (Leader) are sitting, to wherever she (Follower) is sitting rather than approaching her directly. Once you capture her attention and your eyes meet, you move your head (cabaceo) to invite her. If she nods - you keep eye contact, walk over to her and take her to the dance floor. If she reverts her eyes - too bad, you just got refused and you need to start your hunt all over again.
This video with Hagrid illustrates the concept quite nicely!
6a. Why cabaceo?
Mostly to create some boundaries and also to avoid public humiliation. If you asking through cabaceo - only two people know what’s going on - acceptance or refusal.
7. Can the Follower ask for a dance?
Nooooooooo! Not directly! You cannot just approach your favorite Leader and ask: ‘hey, are you gonna dance with me or not?’ Most likely the answer will be - no!
You can, however, make your presence noticed. Be visible. Look around. Look intensely toward the person you wish to dance with. Be present.
If he still does not see you – try to pass close to him and make a small conversation as though you just saw him. Use all the other tricks. Like in life.
Be smart - if you are looking on your phone unless someone texts you the invitation, you will never notice any cabaceo.
Socialize. When you are going to the Milonga, be open to meet people and simply have a nice chat, not just hunt for a dance partner. Meet people. Talk. The more people you know - the easier it will be to get to dance - to ask someone or to be asked.
If you are new or attending the Milonga for the first time - the beginning is a challenge. But once you are seen on the floor and your abilities are acknowledged - then the rest of the night shall go smoothly.
7a. How to improve your chances
Attend a pre-Milonga class. You get to know few people and the teachers. They will introduce you to few other people. And - you begin your Milonga experience. One thing though - do not expect the teachers to dance with you. This is a real social event and no one is being paid to attend or entertain others. Unless…
7b. Taxi dancers
There exists, especially in Buenos Aires, but it’s becoming more and more popular in other parts of the world, the concept of taxi dancer - or paid dance companion. They are either paid by the organizer to help the event pick up the speed, or they are paid by - you. In most cases, you make the arrangements beforehand. You arrive separately and during the Milonga the Taxi will periodically ask you to dance. Or if it’s a taxi-follower, she will approve your cabaceo. This way you get to show yourself or be shown, on the floor and get a chance to be invited or invite the regular attendees.
A lot of time is spent simply socializing.
8. Use the same common sense as you use for driving!
Do not enter the dance floor ignoring all existing traffic.
Do not stop suddenly.
Do not pass through the middle of the floor at any moment – not when you are dancing, not when you are about to start dancing, not when you finish dancing.
Stop when the music stops.
Start AFTER the music starts. It’s ok to just listen to the first few phrases.